Bagels
by tennant26
Summary: Amy goes to get bagels, and Jake takes offence.


"Santiago, I can hardly believe you."

"What?"

"I never thought you were capable of such a thing."

"Seriously, what?"

"Santiago, you pretending not to know about your blatant anti-Semitism hurts me more than you could know."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

Now Amy was really confused. She'd been doing Peralta a favour, offering to step out and get lunch while he suffered through his mountainous paperwork. Captain Holt had refused him any more cases until at least three piles of it was processed. Considering Peralta currently had eight piles on his desk and a suspicious mound of paper wedged underneath, Amy thought this was a pretty fair deal. She couldn't help but think if he just _concentrated_ on it for two seconds, it'd be done a lot faster. But Peralta was Peralta, destined to screw around with everything he didn't want to do. But, Amy supposed, he screwed around no matter what.

She still didn't know why he was so offended. She'd gone to the best bagel place in Brooklyn (or rather, the best place within three walking blocks. She wasn't _that_ considerate.) According to numerous Yelp reviews, this place was one of the best, if a little pricey. Amy had splurged because although Jake had a particular habit of eating whatever, (she swore he was worse than Scully sometimes) he had a particular thing for bagels. He would always have the same kind - plain, with cream cheese and some kind of meat he called lox. Amy thought it smelled an awful lot like salmon, to be honest. She's gotten the order perfectly right - which was why she was so confused about Peralta's apparent disgust at her bagel selection.

"What's the matter? I got you your favourite kind!"

"Oh, mine's fine" said Jake, looking disinterested. "But that!" he said, pointing at Amy's bagel, "is a complete monstrosity."

Amy looked at her bagel in confusion. It was blueberry, and she remembered reading on Boyle's blog a while ago that berries usually went well in any kind of bread. So what was the problem?

"What's wrong with it? I happen to love berry-flavoured things."

"I know you do, but that's not the point. The only sweet bagel that is even vaguely allowed to be called a bagel is raisin and cinnamon. Anything else is blasphemy. Oh, if my poor ancestors were to see this..."

"What's that got to do with anything? Peralta, you're acting weird."

Jake stared at her. "Santiago, surely you knew that bagels were Jewish."

"Yeah, of course." Even though she did know that, Amy felt herself blushing under Jake's incredulous look.

"Then you should know that the only acceptable bagel is with lox and cream cheese. Jeez Amy, why did you even buy that? It looks diseased."

Amy looked again at her bagel. She had to admit, it did look a little pale and spotty, especially compared to Jake's gloriously brown one.

"Look, Santiago, give it here."

"What? No! I'm still going to eat it." She moved it out of his reach, in order to protect her lunch and her dignity.

He reached over and swiped it off of her desk.

"Hey!" Amy cried indignantly.

"Santiago, I am not gonna watch you poison yourself with subpar bagels. Here, have mine." He pushed his own into her hand.

Amy felt heat rising to her cheeks. She knew what a good bagel was! She knew all about bagels! So what if she liked blueberries? They tasted good in everything. Even Boyle agreed with her. Pity he was on a case and not there to back her up.

Jake turned and addressed the bullpen. "I'm going to buy some real bagels, so Santiago knows how it's done." He shot her an infuriating grin before sauntering out of the gate, ceremoniously dropping her blasphemous bagel in the trash along the way.

Terry called after him. "Peralta, your paperwork!"

"Too late now Sarge, I'm a man on a mission!" he yelled from around the corner.

Amy was 100% sure that her blushing face was caused by the fact that everyone knew about her unsatisfactory bagel choices, and totally not Jake's proximity to her when he took her bagel. Of course not. That'd be weird, right? She shook her head and returned to her report.

30 minutes and three reports later Jake returned, carrying two large white boxes into the bullpen. "Bagels for everybody!" he crowed. He practically glowed when Boyle proclaimed them as the best bagels he's had since that ox-tongue on rye in Montreal, even if he looked a little grossed out. Rosa even managed a "good choice, Peralta" and an expression that suggested that she didn't want to murder everyone immediately.

Jake turned his grin on Amy for a micro-second, before announcing at the top of his lungs:

"New bet! Whoever brings the best lunches out of me and Santiago for a week gets their paperwork done for a month! And look, I'm winning" he said, pulling a whiteboard out of nowhere with  
PERALTA - 1  
SANTAIGO- 0  
in his barely legible handwriting.

"That's not fair, Peralta!" Amy cried. "You can't even fill out a crime scene report correctly."

"Guess you'd better win this bet then" he smiled, before taking a ridiculously large bite of his third bagel.

" _It's on,_ Peralta."


End file.
